Thursday, January 21, 2010

A visit to the dumps

Here I am, depressed, and I don't really know why. Yesterday was actually a great day for the most part! I decided to have a day off, just play WoW all day, had some quality time with hubby that left my legs shaking (have I mentioned lately how much I love that man??? lol), and one of my favorite dinners, spaghetti. After dinner we were playing WoW when I decided I'd join some of our guildmates for a series of attacks on the enemy cities just for funsies. It started out fun but along the way I got killed, reported that I couldn't rejoin the group because an enemy had me staked out, and they simply left me behind. Just a big deal...what else do you expect on that game...but my recent bouts of loneliness took the opportunity to jump me.

I have no friends. No one really cares except my husband and children. Considering my social phobia, being Pagan/bi/and another secret that I haven't yet named, and that our local community is very Bible Belt-ish I'm not likely to make any friends.

And this leads me in a downward spiral dropping me in an unelegant heap face down in the muck of The Dumps. Jan. 27th I'll be 39 years old... I already feel like I'm having the first symptoms of menopause. How lovely! I had to have Panic Disorder hit me unusually early in life and now I may get to experience menopause earlier than average in life. No friends... No career and not likely to ever have one... I feel fat and dumpy from this persistant extra 50 lbs... My skin is breaking out like crazy... Instead of my usual patient, unflappable self I can go from happy to dark and sullen in the blink of an eye...

Blah, blah, blah, whatever. I'm gonna go play WoW. Hope your day is going way better than mine :)


  1. Jan 28, I'll be 58; the same age as my mother when she died. hhmmm!!?? No friends, no one cares except my husband and children; Past menopause (which is fine w/me!!) though I did put on an extra 20 pounds in the blink of an eye when it hit!! Be careful, don't eat extra; if you are peri-menopausal, that's probably where you got that extra 50 pounds that is bothering you. Haven't had Panic Disorder, so you've got me beat, but you're not alone. There are many out there (not that it helps). Vent, and go play Wow (whatever that is)...I'm going for a walk with the dogs. Got a new dog which needs work with the leash; not tonight though; that's going to wait again...Hugs, deep breath, life goes on and it's okay...

  2. Aw Clandestiny it'll be okay...
    You do have friends! You have us, helloooo???? lol we're always here for you! ;D
    Just take your mental health day, veg out, and rest your mind.
    (and Jusy, WoW stands for World of Warcraft, an online game)

  3. Judy: So your birthday is the day after mine, neat :) I know I'm not alone, on any of it all, and though I'm sorry that you're in some of the same boat at least it reminds you that you're not alone too, huh? Hang in there with me, sister Aquarian.

    Jon: I'm sorry I said that all wrong. Of course, I know I have you guys, y'all are great and I love ya for it. But I still wish I had someone *here*, yanno? I don't even know why since I almost never leave the house but maybe I would if I had someone to go do something with, I dunno.

    Intellectually I KNOW that my hormones are at least involved in all this if not completely at fault so of course everything's going to be just fine but it doesn't make it feel any better. I was content for most of today then a minute ago one of the kids said something flippant and I wanted to rip his head right off and now I'm crying! Gods I'm such a mess right now and I HATE it! I'll just have to find out exactly what will make me feel better!

  4. That does sound like hormones, doesn't it? Do you have an outlet for your excess energy? Since you don't leave the house, do you have a punching bag or treadmill? Any good energetic exertion should have with the hormone problem.

  5. Yeah, hormones, bleh! Since I've been blessedly free from problems of a hormonal nature all my life (as in no PMS and such) this is probably flipping my switches harder than it otherwise might. The words "excess" and "energy" don't go together in my world. I either have enough energy to get a few things done or I'm wiped out. But I'm sure that that's partly due to a problem with exercise and diet anyway! I do need to figure out a more regular exercise program of some sort and I KNOW that my eating habits are just the worst which needs to be improved. As a matter of fact, though, we DO have a punching bag! lol