Happy Halloween

Halloween is one of my two all time favorite holidays of the year. I don't have any particular fond memories of Halloween's past but I don't have any specific bad memories either. No, one reason I love Halloween so much is I'm able to act a bit more like a child with some of my favorite people in the world, my children. When I was young I did miss out on a lot of being a child being the oldest with two alcoholic parents. I've really worked out that issue from my past more or less but it is a marvelous treat for me when I can retrieve a bit of that lost childhood.

Our neighborhood does an extra special Halloween too! We live out in the country in a kind of big circle. The day before Halloween we all get together at one house to socialize and eat pot luck dinner then we all load up in little flatboard trailers for a hay ride around the circle. Since most of our driveways are so long everyone who wants to participate puts a little table out by the road with a big bowl full of goodies. We slowly go from one table to the next laughing as the stampede of children leap from the hay and their excited crows of delight as they discover what's in each bowl. They get plenty of candy but then they still have the option of going elsewhere on Halloween proper to trick or treat if they wish.

On the one hand I truly love our neighborhood but I also dread the pot luck part of the evening. I don't really know anyone there, though I've met a few of them two or three times briefly now, and feel horribly shy, scared, and awkward. But the hayride part of the evening and seeing the children's bright eyes and huge grins make it all worth any discomfort. I really work at these special times of year to make sure that my children will have fond holiday memories to look back on. Hmm, not that I don't work to make every day special but...you know what I mean!

Another reason this holiday is so special to me is because it's the day we call Samhain. For us this is a day when the division that normally seperates the dead from the living is at it's thinnest so that there's a greater chance of contact between us. It's a day for remembering and honoring those that have passed on like my brother and child (RIP my dear ones). Likewise it is a time to remember that the wheel of life is always turning and so to are the seasons as Winter comes like death to the world. This is the time when the Crone rules all. Her ways seem unbearably cruel sometimes, she's responsible for culling the weak and old, but she also teaches us that the old must make way for the new. She is the end all, be all of true tough love! Samhain is also the very best time of year to "kill" our vices, bad habits, negative feelings, and all within us that is not based and motivated by love.

This is why this is a truly blessed, magickal holiday and very dear to me. Happy Halloween and a blessed Samhain to you all!

Of Mountains and Molehills

Today I counselled a young man who was very agitated about the state of his relationship with a young lady.

"I like her but I can't really like her because I have a really busy life and I've never been in a real relationship before and don't you have to give more time than I have to have a real girlfriend and I don't know if I'm ready to be in a relationship because I think it's all just moving way too fast but I do like her but I don't know what to do and I don't want to just sleep with her and dump her but..."

*shake my head in wonderment* Why do you youngins make it all so complicated? Listen, relationships can be easy as pie! You've been having them all your life! You have a relationship with your parents, siblings, neighbors, pets, teachers, friends, co-workers, and everyone else with whom you interact!

I hear you yelling already... "But a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship is different!"

Of course it's different but they're ALL different! You love your parents different than you love your friends which is different from the way you love a pet...are you starting to see? Why do you think they call it "FALLING in love?" Because it can be as easy as falling off a log! And there's a very good reason we use the terms we do for it, girlfriend/boyfriend...because that's exactly how it should be. Your significant other should first and foremost be the best friend you ever will have.

So please, take a deep breath and do try to let go of all this fluttering about! You just meet up with someone you like who shares some of the same interests as you. Become friends! Go have fun together! If things deepen into something more then let it happen easily and naturally. There's no rush so enjoy the ride.

Hello there!

I just wanted to give a special hello to Kathryn for being my first follower! I can't promise it'll be pretty, I'm plum out of rainbows and puppies, but I can guarantee that it'll be REAL! lol Thanks so much!

Making a Difference Monday?

As I was wandering through Blogs of Note for interesting reading I came across Carrie's blog,Carrot Speak, and one of her posts in particular caught my attention, Making a Difference Monday. In Carrie's own words:

I started Making a Difference Mondays as a way for me to use my once miniscule blogging voice to try and change the world one kind deed at a time. Each Monday, I'll post about something I've done to make someone's day a little bit better, and I invite you all to play along by doing the following:
1.) Make your own Making a Difference Monday post, explaining to your readers these rules, and sharing the story of some small act of kindness you've performed in the past week. It could be anything...holding a door, helping a little old lady cross the street, or even just stopping at a red light when there's no one around to know the difference.2.) Enter a link to your post in the Mcklinky box below.3.) Link back to my post in yours so that your readers can find the full list of participants.
It is with one person and one action at a time that we change to world. Why not try to change it for the better?

It touched me in many ways. This sounded just like the sort of thing I used to believe. I wanted to help the world be a better place in any small way because I had been in it. I bravely threw all my young, fragile hopes and dreams out there hoping to find others that resonnated with the same sentiments so we could become stronger together. I imagined we'd find still others out there along the way who hoped to make the world better, that with each good, kind soul we gathered in we'd become a stronger and stronger presence of goodness until we became a true unstoppable force spreading nothing but love to everyone we touched!

Now I compare that brave little soul to what I've become and it brings tears to my eyes. What a naieve pipe dream! The voices of fear and doubt creep into my ears saying it's better to not get involved, putting your heart out there like that only leads to disappointment and pain. But another voice that they can't quite drown out completely yet whispers that maybe when I first reached out if I'd found even one other brave little pioneer that would stand with me, maybe we could've made it come true. Besides, what do I really have left to lose?

So yes, tattered and torn as it is I've decided to throw my heart out there with hers, to try once again! Starting this next Monday I'll share those things with you. I hope you enjoy the journey and that something here may touch something within you too.

For more information please visit:Making a Difference Monday #10 at Carrot Speak

I'm Following Now!

What can I say? I was drawn in by "Owner's Manual for Human Beings" hoping that I could figure out how to be one or at least understand them!! Go check her out!

Leap of Faith

That's what this blog really is, a big leap of faith. Will they love me, hate me, or not notice me and which do I want? That's always the question with me. Love is too much to hope for, hoping for love and acceptance has brought me to the state in which I find myself. It seems like hate is the norm in the world these days and wouldn't it be nice to at least pretend to something a tiny bit less bleak? So I guess I'll settle for drifting through this world quietly dying inside as unknown as possible.

I know that no one must know the real me, the things I hide inside. If they knew they wouldn't continue to let me exist. Instead of leaving me huddled all alone inside my closet they would drag me out into the light of day, publically string me up for all to see and revile. It's happened before and has left me terrified of being discovered again. But it hurts so much to feel myself withering away in the dark like this. I yearn to feel the warmth of the light with aching desperation while just as desperately hiding from it.

So in this blog I'll strip myself naked for all to see while never coming out where you could hurt me again! Maybe this will let some small feeble ray of light to shine in on me inside the closet.