That's what this blog really is, a big leap of faith. Will they love me, hate me, or not notice me and which do I want? That's always the question with me. Love is too much to hope for, hoping for love and acceptance has brought me to the state in which I find myself. It seems like hate is the norm in the world these days and wouldn't it be nice to at least pretend to something a tiny bit less bleak? So I guess I'll settle for drifting through this world quietly dying inside as unknown as possible.
I know that no one must know the real me, the things I hide inside. If they knew they wouldn't continue to let me exist. Instead of leaving me huddled all alone inside my closet they would drag me out into the light of day, publically string me up for all to see and revile. It's happened before and has left me terrified of being discovered again. But it hurts so much to feel myself withering away in the dark like this. I yearn to feel the warmth of the light with aching desperation while just as desperately hiding from it.
So in this blog I'll strip myself naked for all to see while never coming out where you could hurt me again! Maybe this will let some small feeble ray of light to shine in on me inside the closet.
Sweating out the on-sub process
12 hours ago