My first fail

Today I'm making this short and sweet for ya! I stumbled over this website a few nights ago and got so hooked into it that I stayed up hours past when I'd planned to go to bed because I wanted to see every single picture. They're cute! They're cuddley! They're downright hilarious! Today I give you My First Fail.

My birthday weekend

My birthday isn't for a few days yet but since this was a child free weekend we kinda considered this my birthday weekend anyway. Saturday I really did a whole lot of nothing! Most of the day I played, yep, WoW but I did cook dinner. When I was growing up my father made a tuna casserole that I really crave sometimes. It's just a warm, filling, comfort food for me. Unfortunately all four children uncharacteristically agree on this one thing if not many others and that's they HATE tuna casserole! Now hubs and I are the sort of parents that choose what goes on the dinner plates and the children can like it or lump it but we don't go out of our way to torture the poor things either so tuna casserole is something we save for when the boys are all away. With all of them at their other parent's houses this weekend that's exactly what we decided to have and it was so good!

We had planned to go to this UU church in Austin that we've gone to the last two or three Sundays again this morning expecting a newcomer's orientation but I also wanted to go check out the Wildflower UU church. When we looked the newcomer's orientation wasn't listed on the website of the church we've been visiting but the Wildflower church was having one so we instantly decided to give the Wildflower's a go. Despite mixed feelings about the whole day I'm really glad we did!

The day started out really rough! I got up a bit extra early because I was in the mood to go out as an actual girl today, dress up a bit, curl the hair, the whole thing. First I just couldn't feel good about any of the clothes I tried out. I've always been a very tiny woman so with this extra weight around my middle right now none of my clothes fit right! But I persevered and found something that I thought was good and went off to put the now hot curlers in my hair...only to find that it's been so darn long since I played with curlers I've lost the knack of it somehow. The darn things just didn't want to stay in place, bits of hair kept unwinding itself to stick out every which way, and as I'm struggling with this it was time to wake hubby up.

It should be pretty clear by now that I love my husband like crazy but perfect he's not and one of his faults is he is a pain to get up earlier than noon! He sleeps through alarms so I have to wake him up myself and I like to wake people up nice and soft. It's nasty to get jerked or startled out of sleep suddenly! So I woke him up and after a little bit of gentle coaxing for him to wake up, wake up, no, REALLY wake up went back to fighting with curlers but stayed alert because he has a habit of falling back to sleep. When I didn't hear him get out of bed in a few minutes I gave a slightly frustrated "sweetie, PLEASE get up!" to which he snarled back " I AM up!!" Oh boy. It was like he flipped my bitch switch from zero to "she's gonna blow!!" all at once! He stood in the bathroom doorway for a minute while I ripped the curlers back out of my hair growling under my breath. He apologized which I really did appreciate deep down but at that moment it was going to take me a minute to come back down so I gave him the bathroom, went to just tie my hair back in a tail, and change clothes to something plainer and simpler. By then the angry had gone out of me and I started crying!

I went back to the bathroom, softly told him to come back to bed, stripped and climbed back into bed cuddling down to comfort myself. He came over to me and knelt by the bed to pet my hair concerned about my sudden turn around. I told him that it simply wasn't worth it to me. I wanted to have a nice weekend with him and if that meant sleeping late together then doing whatever around the house that's what I'd take. I was tired and frustrated and scared about going to a new place anyway and just wanted to go back to sleep but I also reasoned that the church wasn't going anywhere so we could try again next week. But he kissed, petted, coaxed and pleaded with me asking me not to let one buttheaded moment from him spoil the day until I gave in.

We got there a few minutes late after an hour and a half drive but settled down to see what we'd see. The group was much larger than I'd anticipated but otherwise pretty much what I expected to see. The reverend was an extremely striking woman, very slim with short cropped hair and an easy magnetism with a generous dash of a sense of humor. I really liked her. Just after the service we called ahead to the house where the orientation was being held to make sure that they had room for a pair of sudden drop ins but they assured us that it was a case of the more the merrier. We were sure that'd be the case but thought it would be more polite to call ahead just to be on the safe side since we hadn't been there before to sign up in advance.

It was a very lovely house where we were welcomed warmly, pointed to refreshments, bathtrooms, and told to make ourselves at home. Just glancing around I felt like a little kid wanting to explore everything! I noticed right off several things that indicated we shared some common interests with a sunroom full of new plants coming along, a loom with a partly finished weave on it, display shelves full of rocks, shells, and fossils, and lots of books including some on foreign languages. We chatted, my social phobia kicked in pretty bad making me feel extremely awkward and like I was running on and on to avoid uncomfortable silences, but I enjoyed it nonetheless and tell myself that no one but me probably thought me a freakish blabber mouth. There were several people there in particular that caught my attention in some way as someone that I might really like to get to know better. Overall we really felt like this group might end up being a better fit for us personally than the other church so we'll definitely be going back at least a few times to explore how we and they may fit into each other's lives.

Then we went to the mall where I bought a dress I think I really like and a few pair of fun earrings. I'm trying to relearn how to be a girl and social! When we got home hubs asked if I would put on the dress to show him while he went to feed the horses. When he saw it he had his doubts for a minute. I adjusted it thinking it might need a blouse of some sort under it to be considered decent enough by the social standards which had my confidence starting to sneak out on me but it's a dress that fits with ties behind the neck and one in the back so shifting everything around, tightening this and loosening that, I managed to cover more of my chest and the top of my panties while keeping it secure and comfy. When he drew me down on the bed with him for a little cuddle we discovered a bonus too, it's a very silky but light, thin material so the more he petted me the more he wanted to pet of me which heated up rather quickly!! The dress didn't stay on very long then we had a nice nap snuggled up together. So there were some ups, downs, and bumps in the road today but I'd call the whole weekend a success.

Random thoughts

We are childless for the entire weekend! That's a good and bad thing for me. On the one hand I miss my babies to the point of almost physical pain but on the other hand it is really nice to have all that responsibility lifted from me for just a little while. So I'm both ok and a little depressed at the same time.

Normally on a Saturday I'd be doing laundry while playing WoW because the game has a little alarm clock so I can relax between loads without losing track of time. Not today though. Today the silly breaker won't stay on so I'm stuck until the hubs makes a fix that'll stick! We've replaced that one breaker several times over the almost two years we've lived here. The wiring in this place is just weird!

My father sent me a card with a little birthday money in it. He was hell to live with, drunk, volatile, verbally/emotionally abusive on his best days and sometimes physically abusive. I cut little holes in the side of my matress to hold a few knives and practiced drawing them sometimes just in case he got really crazy. Our bedrooms didn't have locks on the doors but I discovered that if I pushed sneakers under the door really tight it made it hard enough to open the door that it might buy me a few seconds. Isn't that crazy? A child self teaching tactics like these? But these particular problems of the past are easy to talk about and don't really hurt or make me angry anymore. I've dealt with these, carefully sifted through them, reached my conclusions, and buried the bodies. All I have left is the memories. It was awful at the time and left me with quite a lot to work through in my early adulthood but no big deal now. It's just what I had to get through to get where I am. I'd never, ever live with my father again but I've reached a peace when it comes to him where I've forgiven him the past. Now I can admit that for all his faults and problems there are some things I can really count on him for, not many but a few, and one of those things is he never forgets my birthday. I love you, Dad.

A visit to the dumps

Here I am, depressed, and I don't really know why. Yesterday was actually a great day for the most part! I decided to have a day off, just play WoW all day, had some quality time with hubby that left my legs shaking (have I mentioned lately how much I love that man??? lol), and one of my favorite dinners, spaghetti. After dinner we were playing WoW when I decided I'd join some of our guildmates for a series of attacks on the enemy cities just for funsies. It started out fun but along the way I got killed, reported that I couldn't rejoin the group because an enemy had me staked out, and they simply left me behind. Just a game...no big deal...what else do you expect on that game...but my recent bouts of loneliness took the opportunity to jump me.

I have no friends. No one really cares except my husband and children. Considering my social phobia, being Pagan/bi/and another secret that I haven't yet named, and that our local community is very Bible Belt-ish I'm not likely to make any friends.

And this leads me in a downward spiral dropping me in an unelegant heap face down in the muck of The Dumps. Jan. 27th I'll be 39 years old... I already feel like I'm having the first symptoms of menopause. How lovely! I had to have Panic Disorder hit me unusually early in life and now I may get to experience menopause earlier than average in life. No friends... No career and not likely to ever have one... I feel fat and dumpy from this persistant extra 50 lbs... My skin is breaking out like crazy... Instead of my usual patient, unflappable self I can go from happy to dark and sullen in the blink of an eye...

Blah, blah, blah, whatever. I'm gonna go play WoW. Hope your day is going way better than mine :)

This and That

I don't really have one cohestive blog post right now but I do have several things running through my twisted lil brain so I figured I'd just toss em all together! First, true to our New Year's vow to improve ourselves including spiritually and socially we've been visiting a new UU church for the past few Sundays. It's a nice place, friendly people, and I'd really been looking forward to their Morals and Ethics discussion group. We made it to yesterday's but I have to admit I was a bit stunned at the direction the chat went. We were presented with a story of an 80 yr old woman and man, both widowed with children, who got married then after one year the man needed to be admitted to a nursing home. The woman went into the marriage with a good bit of money while the man had none. Medicaid would only pay for his expenses if they had used up all their own money first so the question was should they get divorced. The general opinion of the group was she should divorce him to protect her money! Wow. That bothers me.

Training is going so nicely with the horses and dogs!!

Since Son #3 is still grounded he doesn't have a whole heck of a lot to do except sit in his room and read. On the one hand he's got a book that he's enjoying (it's about a dragon which he's just mad about!!!) and getting some great reading practice in. On the other hand he's feeling a bit shut away from the rest of the family which we don't want. Today I wanted to keep up his grounding, of course, but still get the poor kid out and with us some so since it was such a pretty day he came out to help us with outdoor work. Then he tells his dad that he needs more lunch money. His dad did a little calculating and said the kid should still have a good bit in his lunch account. So Son #3 comes clean. Along with buying lunch he's also been buying up a load of extras like ice creams, chocolate milks, and whatever other junk food they offer. This isn't the first time he's done this and we've told him that he's not allowed to do this! If he wants something extra every now and then that's fine but he needs to ask us for the bit of extra money that will cost before he buys it so that we can keep track of what we're spending where. What is with this kid and the lying, sneaking around kind of stuff???

And for the best surprise of my day today Lauren from
The Lauren Daily Experiment has gifted me with an award!!





That's a really cute one too. It reminds me to keep on learnin to make lemonade with those lemons! lol Thank you so much, Lauren! And now for the award rules:

*Put Lemonade Stand logo on your blog or within your post.
*Nominate 10 blogs you really enjoy
*Link the nominees within your post
*Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog
*Link to the person from whom you received this award

Which I'm off to do right now so adios, amigos!! Vaya con Dios! Hasta la pasta and all that groovy jazz!

A scene

Disclaimer: To any that identify themselves as hippies I can assure you that no actual hippies were harmed during the enactment of this scene. Also my second son actually does not think these terrible stereotypical things about hippies. He simply thinks it's funny to poke fun at Son #4's tender heart by spouting various outrageous things sometimes in the time honored tradition of brothers torturing each other for amusement.

I adore my children! They can crack me up with nothing more than a look but some of my favorite funny times with them happen when they're just playing, being themselves. Today is Saturday and so of course I'm in the laundry room when...

Son #2, marching through the hallway militantly: Down with hippies! Make war not love!

Son #4, wandering along behind him: There's nothing wrong with hippies! They can be really nice people too!

Me: So what's wrong with hippies?

Son #2: They're dirty, stinky, tree huggin, commies!

Son #4: Hey I don't stink!

Son #2, picks his march back up heading towards the bedrooms with Son #4 still following and protesting

Son #2: Make war not love! Make war not love!

Suddenly there's a ruckus, scream from Son #2, maniacal laughter from Son #4, Son #2 comes tearing past the laundry room screaming "Make love not war! Make love not war!" with Son #4 in hot pursuit holding a toy knife aloft cackling happily.

Son #4: Mama! I'm a hippy murderer!!

They collapse at the foot of the stairs, Son #4 giggling as he repeatedly pokes his brother in the stomach, Son #2 twitching and moaning as if in death throes.

Me, stepping over them carefully: Just give me a second to get past your murder scene so I can get upstairs, sweetie.

Once upstairs...

Hubby: What are they doing?

Me: Oh Son #4 is just stabbing Son #2 to death.

Hubby: Oh. Is he at least using a good, sharp knife?

Me: No. He's using a Bionicle piece.

Hubby: Ouch. That's gonna be a slow painful death.

A surprisingly ok day

We had our game night last night. There's three people that come over to play with us and we generally have a good time. I may've mentioned before that roleplay games are like an adult form of pretend. You pretend to be a character that you've made up according to certain rules, your gamemaster (or Game Orginizational Director as my husband likes to think of it *smirk*) thinks up the entire world and other people in it, then manuvers you into whatever interesting situation/adventure that he's made up all according to certain rules. It's playing pretend, creating entire stories together, and doing crazy things that you would never do in real life! Some people think it's silly, childish, and geeky but we enjoy it.

Tired out I drifted off to sleep quickly only to have hubs wake me up about an hour later. He didn't feel well and it was scaring him. By his check his blood pressure was just fine but he was afraid that the machine was off so he asked if I'd take him to have the folks at the little local hospital check it just to be safe. To make a long story short everything was just fine and as a matter of fact the reason he felt so off is his blood pressure was actually trending on the low side. He has a very bad family history of heart problems and quite a few personal risk factors besides so he tends to worry himself a lot about some pains and pressures. We've reduced his risks with quitting smoking (which I'm HUGELY proud of him for because it was particularly hard on him!!), slowly starting to get a little more exercise, and improving our diet some and we'll keep right on improving things a little at a time to lower his risk just as much as possible.

We didn't even get home until about 7 am but the great news is we put our heads together and figured out what the problem has got to be! When he was put on his current blood pressure meds he was smoking which added to the problem. Now that he's quit smoking the meds are making his pressure on the low side giving him uncomfortable symptoms. On top of that add that the 7 ribs all on the left side that he shattered less than a year ago are giving him different twinges, spasms, and pains with his deep seated worries about heart troubles and you get what we've been dealing with! It's such a relief when you finally figure something like this out! You go from feeling yucky, scared and helpless to getting some control over it so you feel less scared and know what your next step is going to be which will make you feel better! And by lucky chance he already had an appointment tomorrow for a checkup with his regular VA doctor. The wonderful nurse at the hospital gave us copies of his lab work and the read outs showing all the various blood pressure readings, heart rate, etc. so his doctor can see in solid numbers exactly what the meds are doing to him. It should be an easy tweak of the meds and my sweetie will be feeling much better!!

Exhausted we, of course, fell right into bed to try and catch up on a little of our missed sleep. He fell asleep very quickly and it didn't take me all that long. Unfortunately the critters, all thrown off by the weird change in our usual schedule, wouldn't let me stay asleep! The cat paced up and down on me, the dog's whined a little once, and the birds decided it was time to have a nice scream session a few times. Finally at 1 pm it was time to drag ourselves up to go get Son #1 from school early. His grades have been so good that he is excused from taking exams and allowed to come home early if he wants and of course he wants!! I felt like I'd been beaten with a bat and had a nasty headache so I decided I'd get done what I really had to get done then take a lazy day off as much as possible. I took a few aspirin, watched a show while I drank my coffee, and to my surprise felt good enough that I thought I should take advantage and do something useful!

I decided since I was just thinking about it yesterday I'd take one of the dogs out for a training session and chose our female heeler, Misty, because she'd likely be the easiest and most fun. She's incredibly smart, high energy, and hugely eager to please which is great for training if you ask me!! Sure enough she did great!! Half way through the session our two chickens, Spunky and Chickie Dee, came running over to see what we were doing. They boldly demanded and outright snatched a few bits of the ham and cheese I was using to reward Misty but also provided a little distraction which can be good sometimes in dog training. You want the dog to be able to overcome distraction in order to focus on what you want and doing it! Afterwards we walked up the driveway to do a little litter check beside the road and before we were done Son #3's bus dropped him off. Seeing a person arrive in front of our home Misty gave a little quiet growl but when I released her and she got close enough to realize who it was she was all happy wiggles. She cavorted around him for a minute then excitedly dashed back to me as if to inform me of who it was.

Misty came into our lives when hubby found her in the WalMart parking lot. He said the poor thing was dashing up to every person she saw in a way that translates from dog to human as "omg please help me I'm lost and scared and I don't know what to do!!!" Being animal people he brought her home to keep her safe while we looked for her owner. It turns out that the next day we just missed her owner at a local vet! We'd gone to the vet seeing if they recognized her so we could find her owner and her owner had just been there seeing if anyone had found his dog. She was in good condition and very people friendly so we knew that she'd been loved and would've been happy to return her. Unfortunately though we kept checking around, left our phone number, and everything else we could think of to contact her owner we just never managed to hook up with him. I'm still rather sad for him, I'd be heartbroken to lose one of mine, but she's a great dog and we're happy to have her with us. She is definitely my husband's dog!! She just loves everyone but you can tell that he holds a special place in her heart and he responds in kind.

When I brought her in I let Misty run upstairs to see her most beloved and tell him what a good girl she was which seemed to please them both a lot. Then he and I went out for a little walk around the horse pasture since it's such a wonderfully warm day! We looked to see how the neighbor was doing on building their home. It looks like they're close to pouring the foundation so they've still got a little ways to go. Both the horses followed us like puppies swearing up and down to hubs that I was a big fat liar and had not fed them like I claimed! Fortunately he tends to believe me over them so they had to be satisfied with some pets and horsey cookies. So in some ways I really expected today to just s-u-u-u-u-u-CK but I'm happy to say that it's actually been a fairly nice day after all!