Sunday, November 8, 2009

The Hamster from Hell

This one's for you, Kathryn!!

All my life I've been mad for animals of all sorts so when I was young I thought there could be no better job for me than to work in a pet shop.* One day I walked into the employee's area to find a shoe box on the counter with the words "Hamster from Hell" written on the side. I started laying into the other employees left and right!

"Oh you WEENIES!!! Holy smokes it's just a HAMSTER!! How bad could a cute lil HAMSTER possibly be?? Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves being scared of a wee lil hamster!! The poor thing has probably been traumatized half to death by some child then was shoved in a dark box and jostled around with weird sounds and smells to get back here. Who WOULDN'T bite after something like that! Jeez you SISSIES!!"

Completely confident I stepped up to the box and lifted the lid a bit. Sure enough there was the adorable lil guy standing up on his back feet. He was paused in the act of doing that unbearably sweet face washing thing they do twitching his whiskers as he sniffed the air peering in my direction. AWWWW!!! After all that he'd been through I didn't want to startle the lil guy so I carefully lowered just my index finger into the box on the far end from where he was to let him approach me and sniff if he felt calm enough instead of the other way around. I made tiny little "come 'ere lil fella" motions talking softly and soothingly to him.

This hamster did not approach tentatively. He did not walk over. He didn't even RUN over! This hamster performed a supernatural leap from his end of the box all the way over to where my finger was on the other end and sank his incisors all the way through the tip of my finger! Of course I began screaming, startled and in pain, dancing madly around the room, waving my hand around in the air frantically while this hamster hung on for all he was worth. He was like a tiny little banner sailing proud and fierce through the air declaring for hamsters everywhere "We are sick and tired of this and we just won't take it anymore!"

With difficulty I finally managed to fling the demon possessed little darling off. Another employee quickly popped the box over him and scooped him back up with a decidedly smug smirk on her face. I stood there, panting, wild eyed, dripping blood steadily onto the floor staring at the box in shock while others gathered around to ooh and aah over my horribly wounded finger discussing whether I shouldn't pop over to the hospital for a stitch or not.

Being the store manager after I staunched the bleeding and doctored my finger I had a call to make to the vet.

"Dr. XXXX? Do you perform exorcisms?"
*I always feel obligated to admit my ignorance at the time and so hopefully educate others that any pet shop that sells puppies and/or kittens (or any live animal actually) perpetuate the cruelty of mills and horrible breeding. I have since researched and seen first hand that these places make a profit at the expense of hundreds of innocent, hurting animals. If you really do love animals never make a purchase from any shop that sells puppies/kittens.


  1. Hilarious! And I like the pet store caveat. Both my dogs were strays and they are/were the best.

  2. Don't feel bad. Nobody expects hamsters to be demon-possessed. Could've happened to anybody. The sweetest Siamese cat may possess hidden claws. I don't trust gerbils, either, for that matter.

  3. Poor lil guy, but I'm so glad you gave it a chance, even if your finger didn't get the best end of the deal.

    I really love the way you tell a story my lady, I swear I saw the blood!

    Oh, and thanks so much for your last words. I wish more people would go to the animal rescues to get pets, they usually have the real aniamal in need; plus, the behavior might discourage pet stores to breed animals in the senseless way they do.

    Hugs ;)

  4. Um... i see a lil' black dress, do I?

  5. I have to agree with Dreamfarm Girl. The one and only dog I've ever loved was a mixed-breed stray, and I don't think another pet will ever fill the place she held in my heart. :)

  6. PS -- Poor little hamster. Your analysis of him was probably correct. It's awful that you were the one to get the brunt end of his anger though. I guess the little guy couldn't speak enough human to know you were taking up for him. :/

  7. Dreamfarm Girl, you wouldn't think that your average pet has the capacity to reason that someone has saved them and feel grateful but I'll swear they do! Saved pets usually do make the very best pets! Good job saving some of our furry innocents!

    Postman, I agree. You're wise not to trust gerbils! lol I've dealt with loads of animals since this demonic hamster and as a result all of my children's first pets were rats! Hamsters are the MOST likely to bite followed up by gerbils. Rats rarely bite and are sociable, intelligent animals. Go rats!

    Magaly, as a result of my pet shop experiences I went on to help investigate puppy mills and run my own rescue for many years. You're so right! The only way to stop these particular cruelties is to take the profit out of bad breeding by not buying badly bred animals in the first place. In the years since then I've found that it's not only puppies and kittens that suffer cheap mass production in mills. Every animal you see represents untold numbers of others just like them being abused.

    I'm glad ya liked it and yes indeed, I seem to remember saying something about a black dress recently. Hmm... ;)

  8. Carrie, I absolutely agree that this hamster was only being defensive for whatever reason. Abnormally defensive maybe but who knows lol Since then I've come to believe without a doubt that if an animal bites (heck, or even misbehaves) there is some reason. If you take the time to figure out the why you're halfway to overcoming it.

  9. OHMYGOD!!! I swear...I'm reading your WONDERFUL description of this sweet little guy...and I'm saying, "Awwwww!" at the same time YOU say it in the post....and then, WHAM!

    WTF??? I do believe that "Hamster from Hell" may be too kind for that little demon. Could you imagine how traumatized some little kid would be by that??

    Did you have to get a rabies shot? (Ouch.)

    I swear...I'm having sympathy-pains on my finger as I type this!

    Gee...where do misbehaving hamsters go to live out their days? This guy is decidedly antisocial....

    Great post!

  10. Kathryn, no, no rabies shot *this time* (oohh fodder for a future post, yes? lol) but I do still carry a little scar there! Glad you liked it!!