Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Curve Ball

This one comes to you straight out of left field! When I woke one morning a long time ago I had half a scene stuck in my head apparently concocted from part dream, part joke I'd recently heard. It was one of those things that will annoy the living hell out of you until you put it down on paper so I did. This comes with a few little disclaimers, explanations, and what nots...
  1. This is not meant to offend, upset, or in any way, shape, or form rile up anyone of any religion. If you can't take a joke, even about serious subjects, you should probably stop reading my blog altogether right now.
  2. This is unedited, given up to your tender mercies as fresh and strange as the first day it made it's way into words. I started to edit it then mentally smacked my hands away. For some reason I like it this way all rough and unpolished!
  3. In my dream I was a deity known as Lady Chaos who was responsible for making sure things didn't get a chance to stagnate. If things got too quiet anywhere it was my job to shake things up a little bit, maybe even create a tiny bit of careful destruction to make way for new growth. This is written from "her" point of view.
  4. If you've ever read "The Tao of Pooh" then you already know that this seemingly bumbling, simple minded little guy is actually a genius deity disguised as a stuffed bear. You shake your head in wonder saying, "Pooh Bear is a GOD??!!" But of course!! lol

One day a few of us Divines were sitting around discussing the state of the world. We all pretty much agreed that it was high time that I did something to kick up some new excitement but what? Setting Dubbya up then knocking him back down was hilarious for awhile. Some of the things I made that poor schmuck say and do were so outrageous we were shocked that no one caught on it was me planting that load of crapola in his head! You humans can be so darn easy sometimes! But jerking him around was just getting so yesterday! We all started going through the usual list of hot topics guaranteed to get at least one group of humans or another frothing at the mouth. Politics? Nah. Like I said, I'd kinda had my fill of that for now with Georgie-boy and I'd probably stirred up enough trouble with the whole upcoming vote for the moment. Sex? While your sexual antics (hah, more like anti-antics with some of your crazy ideas!) are as funny as a weiner dog with a hot dog tied to the end of his tail I already had some projects in the works in that area and wanted to see how they panned out first. Pooh had been laying on his back making urpy noises like a balrog with a bad sinus infection (that bear just can't hold his liquor!) when suddenly he rolled up like some weeble wobble gone wrong to a sorta sitting position.

"You haven't done much regiloush...resigious...religioush..."

"Religious you lightweight pansy-ass fuzzball!" roared Odin laughing as he snatched the mead horn away from Pooh knocking the bear back over.

"Thash what I shaid." Pooh replied smugly.

Now that subject certainly held some interesting possibilities! Sidenote: You might think that the last one I pulled in the area of religion was that nasty business with the Catholic church priests and those children but you'd be dead wrong. Yeah sure, I really love my job stirring things up among you mortals and all us Divinities think it's just the most amusing thing since you guys decided to venture down from the trees that an order that's looked down it's nose at so many other religions has been exposed as having such a repugnant skeleton in it's own closet but there's some lines even I won't cross. Doing that to children is just wrong, period, and for any of you who care yes, all the guilty parties in that whole sick fiasco will find themselves in a very special hell one day. The SPECIAL...hell...

Coyote suddenly got this evil little gleam in his eye that told me that he had something good in mind."Did I tell you about the human who was joking about the Rapture? He said what if the Rapture had already come and all the humans left simply didn't realize it because they chose the wrong religion? So he starts calling all the different places of worship asking about it but when he calls the Unitarian church there's no one there! He was just howling about it saying 'Noooooooo not the Unitarians!!!" Coyote was gasping for breath as he collapsed in giggles.

Man, you just have to love the tricksy Divinities! I get some of my best ideas from them.

So what do you think my little poppets? Has the Rapture come and gone already? Just how sure are you that you picked the one and only "right" religion? What makes you so sure that all the other religions claiming to be THE one and only "right" one are wrong? I think I'll just plant that little kernel into a few key heads then sit back to enjoy the show. Sweet dreams.

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